I have a lot to tell you about since it has been over a month since my last post.... As most of you know my mother died on May 15th. She had been in assisted living since Nov 2002 and in the Memory Care unit for the last 3 years. She just became more and more vague over the years. She was mostly content, pleasant and pretty agreeable to whatever my sister and I suggested. She had to give up a lot and accept many changes including the loss of her husband in Sept 2003. She became our child and quite dependent. She was an artist in her good years and still loved the art classes but her painting and drawings became childish also. She always had an eye for color and her clothes always matched but that all changed also. Even the memory of my father became more disjointed and she claimed to be married to someone who worked at her place. We mourned the loss of our mother long before she actually died. Dementia is a cruel disease that robs a person of so much that death is a sweet release. She was always so proud of her grandchildren and was very excited about the birth of a great grand daughter. Then there came the day that she had to be told over and over their names. We stopped taking her places because it caused her so much anxiety. The world became full of unknowns and people hat she had known for years became strangers to her. There was one week when she didn't seem to know who I was and that was very painful. But the rest of the time Karen and I where her familiar people and she was always glad to see us.
I received a call from my sister on a Monday AM that Mom had fallen and was on her way to the hospital. She ended up going back to her place with her arm in a sling ( fractured humerus) and antibiotics for a urinary tract infection. That next Saturday she crumpled to the floor again and back in the ambulance she went. My sister called me that evening and said we had a tough decision to make.... Mom was septic and her lab values were all screwy. The decision was whether to treat all her problems or do comfort care only and let nature take it's course. We had decided long ago that there would be no heroic measures to preserve her body when her mind was so far gone. But when the moment actually came to put that decision into words it was harder than I thought it would be. Through tears we agreed that this was Mom's only ticket to heaven and to be released from her failing body and mind. As nurses we knew we would only be delaying the inevitable. Who were we to try to keep her bound to this earth when what she had lived for was awaiting her? The official order for "palliative care" was written on Sunday ( Mother's Day). Worse Mother's Day ever- my mom was sick in WI and I was in CA away from all my children and my mother. I made plans to fly back- we were to leave on the 26th to be back for Shane's graduation from the Nurse Anesthetist program. I booked on the first flight out Tues AM. Mom was moved to hospice on Monday afternoon and became comatose shortly thereafter. It takes 2 flights to get from San Diego to Milwaukee and I was so hoping that I would make it home in time. Karen promised to keep telling mom that I was coming. Well it worked! I had 3 hours with mom before she died. Did she wait for me? I like to think so but I will never know. I was just so thankful to be by her side when she slipped from this world to eternity. She gave me life so was there for my entry into this world and I was there as she exited this world. The circle of life. A life well lived. It is a strange feeling to be an orphan- the 2 people who gave me life and guided me through life are gone. A special thank you to all those who gave comfort in a hug or words and did so much for us....
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| Karen, Mom and me |
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| Tristan and his Gma |
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| Shane and his Gma |
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| My parents on their wedding day 66 years ago |
After a very special funeral we buried her on a sunny day with the birds singing. Now she lies next to the man she married on June 20, 1946 soon after his return from WW II. Karen tells me that some of her last coherent words were, "Ralph, Ralph! Come here quick!" I was fortunate to have warm, loving parents who taught me all the important things in life especially the love of God. And I give thanks...
